Nothing's perfect
by Sasha Stark
Summary: Remus thinks over the the last 15 years... their will be a more soon!!!


When it's the end of the world , I'll still be by your side , when you feel like dieing , I'll be their to keep you alive, when you heart starts braking, I'll be there to fix and mend . If you die before I do , I'll be alone again.  
  
I Know nothing can last forever and everything good, has to end sometime. But something's aren't fair. Sometimes , you have to question if your lie is juts fucked up the ass, and once I while, you just wish you were dead, because maybe then your life wouldn't be all suffering . if you were me , you would understand why ,I feel this way.  
  
1967- It's summer. I'm almost seven. I have a rich loving family not far from Bristle. Me and my best friend , ( at the time ) Bryce stark , have decided it would be fun to go explore the woods, as we do everyday,. ( I'm very surprise I wasn't sick of those woods, I played in them every god for saken day. )  
  
" Come on Remy, I bet we'll find lots of neat things today! " yelled Bryce as we ran to the woods edge. " I'll beat you Bryce!" I yell . Running fast the smell of flowers and fresh water streaming the air. A beautiful day, even more so , since I knew only five days until my 7th birthday! I win , as I always do, and Bryce slams into me and tackles me to the ground. We wrestle and wrestle , until we can take no more . we sit quietly by the river panting . after laying their I look at the sky, almost asleep. I here Bryce get up. He picks up a large stick. " look, I'm my dad!" he says moving the stick around mumbling words , (spells) like ours parents do. " I can't wait until were wizards!" I say picking up another stick and play with it ,. We begin a sword fight a then I hear something bushel in the bush behind Bryce. " What was that?" he says quietly . " I don't know, a monster? " I say. " no , maybe a cat?" he says. I was closer. A large Alfa Wolf ( were wolf) jumps out of the bush pouncing on Bryce. " Bryce!" I scream. The wolf bites the neck of the small body below. The terrifying yells and screams of pain, still haunt me today. Blood. So much blood, it seeps, all over the forest floor. Anger. I have never felt so angry. I jump on the back of the beast punching it with my tiny fist screaming and crying. The werewolf flings me off it's back he charges for me, I try to move, but I'm to late, it's teeth begin to sink into my arm when.... "REMUS!" my FATHER! My mind yells the wolf runs. My father and Bryce's uncle run down the path. " Bryce...." I cry rolling in a fertile position. " he's gone ...he's gone..." I hear my father yell in anger and him run to me trying to help me up.  
  
I was taking to saint mungo's one week later, after coming of shock, I was told would have to stay their for 2 weeks, because in one the was a full moon. I was a werewolf.  
1971- life has changed. I have a little sister named Katra , and I'm going to Hogwarts this year. " Remus , tomorrow's the full moon , don't forget 6 o'clock" my father warns. I hate my family. They more the less , disowned me. So what if I have a large home all the good things I want , my life is ruined. Do they know all the pain I go through every month? Every day? Watching them pamper my little sister and forget about me, do they know , that. More then likely I'll have no friends at Hogwarts? They want me to go away, I know it , less trouble for them. I HATE them . At six O 'clock I heard to the large red shed located about 100 feet from the house, I sit and wait for the moon to rise.  
  
Every night I'm alone, No one here to share my home, All I want is love in my life, Someone to make things all right, This bed is getting real cold, All I know and feel Is alone, But maybe you could help me please, Hold me tight and the pain will ease.  
1971 September 1st . - Sitting alone on the rain . I knew this show it would be. All alone. I wouldn't be surprised if they put me in a house of my own. That's when n I hear foots steps. " no, really Sirius , why did you decide on green? Pink is much more original!" yells a boy laughing. The door slides open. And there stands there boy's one short chubby blonde haired one, a scrawny boy with messy hair and black glasses. And I tall well built boy with shaggy black hair. " hey , oh , do you mind if we sit, it's all full, well you know, all the moron's on this train , can't trust the lot, just can't " mumbles the boy with messy hair. " I don't mind. " I say. " I'm Remus" I muttered. " hi Remus, this is Sirius( he say' s pointing to the shaggy one ) and peter . , and I'm James potter. " they sit down and we talked. Their loud and funny. I 've hadn't had fun like this since Bryce. I smile and laugh. We eat lunch together , and I buy lots of candy for us. Peter's shy , but very kind, James is very witty and funny, and Sirius , is Charming , loud, funny, one of the most interesting people I've met. He keeps looking at me and asking me questions about where I come from , and if I have any friends here. I answered them all. Meanwhile peter and James play chess and exploding snap. Maybe this will be fun after all.  
  
So now here I am , Waiting for something new, Here I am, But still all I know is you, So we fight and yell , You make me cry sometimes , but baby in the end , it all seems alright, just promise me one thing, don't leave me alone tonight,  
  
1974- " MR.BLACK!" yells professor Ninja , as Sirius flicks large quantities of squid tentacles at severus snape. " 30 points from Gryffindor and if I have to tell you again to take your seat I'll make it 100! " typical day. No different then yesterday, or a week ago, or even last year. Everything's the same. They know I'm a werewolf. I guess they think it's cool , well that makes me mad. It's not cool to go through all that pain. I wish they would under stand. Tonight's the full moon. And they know it.  
  
By dinner time I'm to sick to eat, I tell them I'm going and Sirius watches me the whole way as I leave. I run to the skeiking shack and lay on the bed , not more then one hour later I'm fully transformed and ripping everything in sight to shreds. Shawl and slice my self. I howl, I'm not surprised that people think this place is haunted.  
  
I'm dreaming, blood some much blood and a body in a forest looking up at me, " why didn't you help me? " he says. " Bryce" I choke. " why did you watch me die !!!!!" he screams .  
  
I scream and try you move and kick but something holding me. Something soothing me . someone smoothing my hair and talking to me . I open my eyes it's still dark, but only because I'm underground. It must be morning I'm not a wolf anymore. " shhhhh .. It's ok." says a voice.  
  
" Sirius..SIRIUS!" I scream . " your awake.." he says. I now relise I'm laying on him. My head resting on his chest, he's sitting up against a wall. " are you nuts? I could have killed you ,you shouldn't be down here!" I yell trying to get up , but I have no strength left. " Remus lay down , it's ok." He says. His voice is so soothing, I want to fight but I'm so tired. I lay back. He adjusts and I'm laying cross his legs his right arm surrporting my head. His other hand playing with my hair. " how do you feel? " he asks. " ok .. I'm so tired. " I whimper. " sleep then." he says quietly . he stares at me smiling and slowly moves his head down and kisses me. His lips are soft and warm . my whole body heats up. Holding me close .he backs up and pulls me closer. Pulling out of the kiss . I fall asleep in his arms.  
  
If I had one chance, Or one last shoot, I would give you all I got, To prove I need you, To help me through, The lonely nights, That are blue, One last try, On last go, To show you, the love I hold.  
1977- " come one moony! " Sirius yells. " I wanna see your dress robes.." he wines waiting for me to come out.  
  
" no paddy , I look , well,, not me ! " I protest. But James comes bursting in and pushed me out of the small bath room. " wow.. Remus.I ..wow" says Sirius staring at me . I wouldn't admit it then. But I did look sharp. In robes of dark red a new hair cut and what Sirius called my " million gallon" smile I looked great. . I don't think I've ever seen Sirius so excited. " I bet even your jealous James , my date looks better then yours~" said Sirius laughing as we headed down to the great hall. ( Sirius got a large slap in the head for that) " just kidding mate!" said Sirius who winked at me and smiled.  
  
Ok so everything's perfect now, that doesn't mean it will be later . nothing can last forever.  
  
The music is playing soft. All the couples are dancing. Out in the view I even spot Snape and some slytherin chatting and dancing. I always wonder what happened to her now a days. Maybe he has more then one reason to be so bitter. Sirius holds me tight around the waist my head on his shoulder . he kisses the top of my head . " come out side with me love?" he asks. Snogging. Sirius life. But I can't protest those puppies eyes, I say yes and follow him. He takes me past all the garden mazes b past hagrids until were right up against the river side. He smiles at me . " is something wrong? " I ask nervously. Something smells like break up. "Remus ,,,,,,I ....we've been otgether for , what. 3 years now... it seems so much longer. " he says. Wow, something's worng , this doesn't sonnd like sirius black. " I love you, more then you will ever know, and if I don't do this , even if you say no , I will regret it for the rest of my life. ..Remus lupin , will you marry me? " he says getting down on one knee. I'm shocked. He wants..to marry me? I can't talk. I must resemble a fish right now , my mouth opening and closing. He looks as though his very life depends on my words. " Yes..." I barely even say. But he hears me he puts a sliver and blue ring on my finger and stands up grabbing everthing part of me he can reach. And kisses me deeply. If I could have anyhting back , it would be a moment like that.  
1978- " do you Remus lupin , takes sirius black , to love and cherish thoguh sickess and health , untill death do you part? " " I do" " you may.. Ummmm ..kisss.each other" it was perfect . me and Sirius forever ....or not.  
  
When I see you standing there, In your wedding grownd, I smile and think, Nothing could ever bring me down, Today I will make you mine, And I'll be yours in return, My heart is pounding so hard, It's heard by the world, When you say "I do" I melt, knowing you all mine to have, When you lips touch mine, I think I'm home at last. .  
  
1980- " yes you are, you are , the cutest thing to ever walk this earth, !" lily chose for the living room. " lily if you spoil him like that he'll grow up to be just like .." " you" she finishes for him. " hey whats wrong with him begin a sharp , handsome man like James? " sirius asks. " yeah, what he said!" james wines. " nothing dear" she says kisses he cheek sweetly. Harry walks over to me . " look James!" lily sheik's he made it all the way before falling into my lap. " You did it !" she says eyes full of tears. I pick him up and cradle him in my arms, " oh remus , you 'd be a such a good father. " lily says taking Harry up to bed. " and he will be some day". Says sirius coming from behind me . " have you spoken to peter? " I asked. " no , not since last week at the pub" says James. " some knows about us through, something going on. People keep finding our location. We can't keep moving. I want Harry to grow up here., here London and Hogwarts. .. They. DAMN DEATHEATERS!" james hisses through his teeth, " who would know , No one would suspect peter in a million years!" yells Sirius. " I know, but something , someone. ........  
  
" IT"S NOT TRUE!" I scream as albums tells me about Sirius, killing ... .James lily..peter... " lupin it's true " snape says sounding upset. " HE WOULD NEVER , NEVER NO MATTER WHAT!" I scream , I can't take it , I run out of the room. I here fast foot steps coming after me , I go faster , out into the rain , I suddenly remeber what my mother used to tell me as a child. " have you ever been sad when it's raining?" she asked me . " yes but a lot of people are sad when it rains mother. " your sad when it's raining , but really it rains because your sad. " I never believed but something deep down did today. " he wouldn't I whisper. " WHY! WHY ME !" I scream . " Lupin!" someone yells . Sirius? My mind thinks , I turn around , it's severus. " NO, HE DIDN"T , HE WOUDLN'T! " I yell. " he did lup...remus , he did,. .." " HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER LEEAVE ME ALONE , NEVER, !" I scream falling to the grind. I feel arms wrap around. " he didn't mean to . " a voice says in my ear. " he said never, he loved, me " I sobbed. He pulled me closer .  
1993- I only excepted the job for money. Nothing else. I didn't want to com back, never again, I wanted to crawl up in a ball and die. Sirius escaped. I'm scarred. . scarred that I want him to come find me, to love me again, no matter if you did murder our best friends. But those are not the only problems. Harry. I can't see him , it'll tree me up and break me down, slowly. Snape. I think I know the turth about him. Even after all thoose years of calling my fag and making fun of siirus , I think he mihgt have been jelous. Maybe even have loved me .  
  
Now I'm back . but things will be okay ,right?  
1993 dec.- I here a knock on my door. I don't need this I have a lot of work to do. " come in " I say rather anooyed. " lupin, your potion, sad you must miss christma this year, wonderful it should be. " he says. I smile and pick up the goblet drinking it all. " I'm sure I'll live " I say cheerfully. " I'm sure" he mutters. He watches me work. " An 8 out of 10? " he says. Looking at what happens to be neville's paper. " he did good, he tired and he knows much about the gilldylow, ..." " you can barely read it , he's so sluppy I would give it back and dedmand he do it over . " he says dorpping the parer on my desk. " they say , slooppy quill work , is the work of a true genis. " I say , writeing notes in my shedule book. " like you hhmmmm? " he says inspecting my hand wrtiing . " maybe, or maybe , I'm getting lazy in my old age. " " old age? Please lupin I hardly call 33 old age, " he says. " was that a compliment ? severus you charma me " I smirk. " that turly does not suit you lupin" he says. " I know. " I say. He glances at the dialy propghet on my desk. Not tuched. " not much of a reader. " he asked . he looks dwon at Sirius on th front page. I refuse to look up. " you miss me still don't you ? " he asks. I'm shocked. I don't know what to say. " you still ove him..." He mumbles. " I hardly see how this is any concern of yo... " " it is , he murder your best frieds and left you alone to wither.." " HE IS WORTH MORE TO ME THEN YOU WILL EVER !" I scream. " I know you sdon't mean that'. If ou did , you would have kicked me out. " I walk to the window and sit, I never want to , go outside again , I want to die.  
  
" lupin , it was none of my business , I oppigise. " he says. Out of my eye he's coming closer. A tear fall down my face. " I know I should hate him, but I can't . I love him , and no matter what happens I always will. " I say. He brushes away my tear , and grabs my chin so I look at him. " I know " he says , and with that he kisses me. Soft. he picks me up . and before I know it I'm in his lap on my desk. Kissing servus snape. I pull back , what am I doing . " I ... I can't ...Sirius" " Sirius is gone he's not coming back..!" He says . " NO!" I scream . I jump off he desk and walk out the door .  
  
If you fall , I'll be there to pick you off your knees, If you trip ,I'll catch you , so you can finilly breath, if you want I'll save, from the pain and misery, But baby, I do need you , down here with me .  
  
1996 july- I hear the tapping at my window. I'm guessing it's my late bills or maybe even ..letter from Sirius! I suddenlyl find my slef out of bed runnnig to the nosie. Nope. Not Sirius. But.maybe better. The leter reads:  
  
Remus, How have you beee these Days? I must say , keeping in touch has been hard lately, but severus says your not feelling up to the weather because it's near the full mooon. ( you have been getting you wolfsbane have you not?) I have some important news. The order has called a meeeting for tomorrow at hogwarts, I'm sure you know schools been out for quite some time. There is a matter I would like to dicuss. But please, comeas sson as you get this, for it is something I wouldl ike you to be here for. Best wishes.  
  
Headmastetr, Albus Dumbledor.  
  
What insist matter I must be there for? Then i was shocked, but looking back at it I should have known what was going on. In most cases I would not be the one called on to come early I must say. I right a quick owl , telling I'm on my way and go to pack light.  
  
What could it be! My mind wonders as I look for my dress robe that lay wrinkled on my bed. I grab my wand and put it in my belt and apprate to hogsmede. It's busy as usallly. Mostly adults. I start walking towrads the school when i hand rests upopn my shoudler. I spin around and see severus snape. " Severus...." I whisepr. " long time no see lupin,..." " the headmaster is expectuing you , I was sent to get you. " he says taking my bags. " i have arms severus, I'm sure I can... " he interupts me . " I have it lupin, now , come , were in a hurry . " we walk fastly up to the castle.  
  
" Ahhh , remus lupin my boy ! " says a happy dumbledore from the steps of the front of the school. " albus~" I say with a hearty hand shake. " I'm glad you came soon, I was reallly hoping your owl would reach you in time. " he says shortly as we walk in followed closly by severus , who was handing the bags off to some house elfs. " It's , hard to hear Remus , I know , but Sriius is here ,in the hospital wing. " he continues to walk. I stop dead in my tracks. He turns his face full of understnading. " I know that this won't be easy, he's sick , he's been asking for you for many days..." " MANY DAYS!" I hiss, " how the hell long has he been here?" I bark. " 2 weeks . " does Harry know ? does he? What if the minstery finds him .what were you going to do , just sit here and wait for one of us to show up ? " there's silence. My words are ture and hurtfull. But I think for once dumbledor needed to hear the turth,. even if it was hard. " please remus go and see him. "  
  
he says. I walk past him to the infirmey. I can barely stand. But after that I must look brave. I must. I walk in and theirs no sign of popppy , or anyone, except one bed that is occupied. Sirius. My Sirius. In all his beauty. Even after this he's still perfect. I watch his chest rise and fall with each breath. I walk closer to the bed and he tunrs his head. A small smiel creeps apon his face. " Moony" he croaks.  
  
I don't what love is , Or how I'm surrposed to feel, But I do know something, This feeling real, You can spend your whole life looking, For something that makes things seem right But later you will know, You wanted me the whole time.  
  
I can't help but smilr. I do. A small tear running down my face. I want nothing more then to just stay here with him forever, but even loking at him brings back terrible flash backs..  
  
" HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE NEVER!!!!!!!"  
  
" oh remus you would make awonderfull father~" " and he will soemday."  
  
" ...but if I don't I'll regret it fo the rest of my life, remus lupin will you marry me?  
  
" remus?" he asks . " yes.." I barely whisper . " I'm soo.i...." I know he can't find words. For I can't eihter. I pull the curtins around his bed close. And sit on the bed. Reaching my hand up I begin to pet his hair. It's soft . a single tear slippsdown his cheek. " shhh..." I say . and I lay down at his side. " moony , I'm sorry, I've ruined everyhting , we could have been perfect..." He sobs his head at my chest. " nothings perfect...." I say kissing him softly.  
  
Yeah maybe I don't have a lot of money, But I still love with you honey, Someday things will be better then they are now. You know I need you baby , With you I'm nothing baby, I promise things will be better then they are now...  
  
2-be continued... 


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